Silence
by Assilem-1
Summary: The results of a mission . . .
1. Four Minutes

**Title: Silence**   
**Author:** Assilem_1 a.k.a. Melissa   
**Disclaimer:** Alias belongs to JJ Abrams and other people whose names are not mine  
**Category: **Season 3, some S/V angst (Is there anything else in Season 3?)   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Spoilers:** Through first 2 eps of Season 3   
**Summary:** The results of a mission . . .   
  
**Part 1: Four minutes**   
  
"Base I have the package, I'm in room 214. I need extraction."   
  
"Copy that Mountaineer. Team's on it's way. E.T.A. in" a pause as he checked with the team "4 minutes" came over the static in her comm link, Vaughn's voice sounding even more detached over the connection than it did in person these days.   
  
Sydney nodded even though he couldn't see her and kept her gun aimed at Koreshnokov, a member of the Convenant that might have answers about her missing two years . . . So far he wasn't talking . . . Which made sense because he was unconscious.   
  
She turned her wrist so she could see her watch and sighed.   
  
***4 minutes***   
  
She purposely avoided focusing on the seconds hand moving around the surface . . . Something that had been drawing her attention a lot lately.   
  
Time . . .   
  
It was such a simple thing really . . . Like her watch, it was just hands moving on a clock . . . Blinking numbers . . . Eventually, pages on a calender . . . Certainly not worthy of the emotions she felt when she contemplated it . . .   
  
_"Syd, since that night . . . you were missing. You've been missing for almost two years . . ."_  
  
Time stole two years of her life.   
  
Well, really, _the Covenant _stole two years of her life, but time kept going . . .   
  
Life moved on without Sydney Bristow in it.   
  
People laughed, People cried and she died . . . Not necessarily in that order.   
  
And now that she was back, she felt like she wasn't . . .   
  
_I'm just a ghost in this house . . ._   
  
Sometimes she thinks she should have stayed dead . . . Stayed wherever she was, *who*ever she was . . . Because this life . . . it's not hers anymore . . .   
  
She can't be Sydney Bristow anymore . . .   
  
Sydney Bristow is dead.   
  
***3 minutes***   
  
Sydney Bristow had a best friend named Francie Calfo . . .   
  
Francie Calfo is dead.   
  
Sydney tries not to remember killing her . . .   
  
Sydney Bristow had another friend named Will Tippin . . .   
  
Will Tippin is gone.   
  
Forced into hiding because he knew Sydney Bristow . . . Sometimes she thinks she killed him too.   
  
And lastly, Sydney Bristow had a love . . .   
  
_Michael Vaughn . . . _  
  
Even her thoughts catch on his name.   
  
Sydney Bristow had Michael Vaughn . . . A man who loved her and cherished her above all others . . .   
  
Michael Vaughn is gone.   
  
***2 minutes***   
  
Sometimes she thinks he killed her . . . Took aim with his words ...   
  
_"I loved you so much it nearly killed me"_   
  
...finger squeezing the trigger ...   
  
_"You got married?" __  
  
"I did."_   
  
...and blew away her heart ...   
  
_"I don't regret moving on"_

  
  
Why was she even still doing this?   
  
Her hand started to lower . . .   
  
She was tired . . . so tired . . . All there was were missions, mission briefings and mission debriefings . . .   
  
A constant search for answers that wouldn't change anything.   
  
Two years of her life would still be lost. Her friends would still be gone . . . Vaughn would still be married . . . She would still be dead.   
  
***1 minute***   
  
Her hand lowered still further and Koreshnokov saw his chance . . .   
  
Quickly he spun over and delivered a swift kick to her hands. The gun went sailing into the air, landing with a thud somewhere behind him. He flipped into a standing position and Sydney ducked a punch and threw a low kick that put him on one knee. Next she kicked high, aiming for his head but he caught her foot and she twisted to escape his hold and used the momentum to throw a kick that, when it made contact, sent him sprawling away from her. She was so busy trying to keep the offensive that she didn't see the gun he had grabbed until it was pointed right at her . . .   
  
She froze.   
  
_Too late . . ._   
  
A fraction of a second too late and time was against her once again.   
  
She should have kept her head in the game, shouldn't have been thinking about Vaughn . . .   
  
"Goodbye" he said to her in Russian as he squeezed the trigger, gun aimed at her chest.   
  
_"I loved you so much it nearly killed me"_   
  
She closed her eyes.   
  
_Goodbye_   
  
The shot seemed to echo as into her commlink came Vaughn's voice, no longer detached.   
  
"Mountaineer, are you ok?"   
  
"Sydney?!"   
  
"Syd?"   


  
_~*silence*~_   
  
~~~   
  


  
Four minutes  


  
  



	2. Debriefing

**Part 2: Debriefing**

"At approximately 10:16 this morning, Agent Sydney Bristow was shot" Dixon's voice wavered for a moment before strengthening "in the chest while on a routine mission." There was a collective gasp in the meeting room as Dixon continued. "She was taken to Mount Sinai hospital and is currently in surgery . . .They say that she didn't regain consciousness during the trip to the hospital and that the damage was extensive . . ." He looked down at the table for a moment and then continued speaking softly. "Agents Vaughn and Jack Bristow are currently at the hospital and will inform us of any changes . . . "

Lauren inhaled deeply and let it out slowly, trying to stay calm. Marshall looked like he wanted to cry and Weiss didn't look much better.

Dixon took a deep breath and hit the button on the projector.

On the screen flashed a man with short, dark hair, a well-kept beard, stern features and a solid build. "As some of you know, this is Borov Koreshnokov . . . Sydney was sent on a mission to retrieve him when we received intel that as a member of the Covenant he was responsible for the deaths of three CIA agents and Agent Bristow's kidnapping two years ago. At 10:12 a.m., Agent Bristow contacted Base ops confirming that she had Koreshnokov in custody and was awaiting extraction. By 10:16 however, Koreshnokov had managed to shoot Sydney and apparently escape through a hidden entrance in the room because when the team arrived he was gone and Sydney was alone." He clicked off the projector. "I need everyone in this room to work on getting all the intel they can on Koreshnokov. Lauren, I was told that the NSC has a file on him from when he was on the Triad payroll. Marshall, I need you to hack into his files and find any personal information we haven't already uncovered. Weiss I want you to call on your contacts at State to see what they have on him. I want this bastard captured by the end of the day . . . For shooting a CIA agent . . . For shooting Sydney . . ."

_For Sydney_

"Any questions?"

_~silence~_


	3. Grieving

_A/N: Guys, sorry this part took so long and sorry it's so short . . . New part soon (and that's actually true this time :)_

**Part 3: Grieving**

Dr. Williams emerged from the Surgeon's bay to be immediately accosted by two men in the waiting room. Blood shot eyes, wrinkled clothing, strained faces . . . These were the norm in this hospital . . . The younger man showed signs of all three . . . But the older man, presumably the patient's father, his expression was stoic . . . Only his eyes gave away his deep worry . . .

Immediately they both began to speak.

"How is she?"

"Is she ok?"

The doctor held up his hand warily. "I'm assuming you're asking about Sydney Bristow?"

They both nodded, the father impatiently.

The doctor braced himself to give the bad news . . .

"The bullet fractured her ribcage and a bone fragment punctured her heart . . . There was internal bleeding. We repaired the damage the best we could and she made it through the surgery . . ." Both men let out a breath of relief. "But she slipped into a coma soon after. I'm sorry . . ."

The father frowned so severely that lines seemed to etch themselves permanently into his face as he turned, facing the nearest window and focused blindly outside. The younger man collapsed into the nearest chair, a look of devastation on his face.

As the doctor turned to return to the Surgeon's bay, he heard someone call to him.

When he turned around the father was once again facing him.

"What are her chances of waking up?" he asked solemnly.

The doctor paused, unwilling to give him a number. "It's important that we wait and see before speculating-"

"Doctor" the father interrupted sternly "*What* are her chances?"

He looked at them both and sighed. "She sustained major damage to her chest cavity and severe blood loss . . ." He trailed off at the father's glare and the young man's desperate look . . . "About 40 percent" he said, looking between the two of them regretfully.

The father's eye twitched as he turned and strode away . . . obviously to be alone with his grief . . . The young man shook his head in stunned disbelief and then his head dropped into his hands and it wasn't long before his shoulders began to shake with the force of his anguish.

The doctor turned away quietly to return the way he'd come. Their grief seemed to follow him all the way down the hall and back through the doors to the Surgeon's bay . . .

_~*silence*~_


	4. Camaraderie

**Part 4: Camaraderie**

Jack returned to the waiting room to find a distraught Vaughn holding his head in his hands, obviously still struggling with his grief . . .

He stood over him for a moment, noting that Vaughn was so consumed by his grief he didn't even notice.

Not too long ago he had been angry at Vaughn for breaking his daughter's heart . . .

But the man sitting in front of him was grieving, just as he was . . .

Later they would talk about the propriety of Vaughn's feelings for his daughter . . . Later . . . When there was a reason for their discussion . . . Namely Sydney being awake and ok . . . He said a quick prayer to a God he never spoke to . . . _Please let her wake up and be ok _. . .

A shaky inhale brought his attention back to Vaughn . . .

It was now extremely obvious that just as Vaughn still resided in Sydney's heart, Sydney still resided in Vaughn's . . . In light of current circumstances, this fact was more than obvious . . . Vaughn's grief was almost airborne, it was so palpable . . .

Jack sat in the seat next to Vaughn's and placed his hand on Vaughn's shoulder.

Vaughn looked up at him, too tired to even try to hide his grief and their gazes locked . . . And for a moment they were transported to that night, over two years ago, when they came face to face after Sydney's death. Two people who loved her more than anything in the world, suddenly left with a giant hole that her presence used to fill in their lives . . . Only this time it was so much worse because fate had given her back, only to dangle her life before them now in some cruel twist . . .

They had been comrades once . . . united in their search for answers on Sydney's death . . . Time had caused that bond to stretch, then break completely. Now it sprung up again . . .

Vaughn took a deep breath and rubbed eyes he was sure must be red-rimmed . . .

"I've made some calls, arranged for some people to come see Sydney. Have you seen her yet?"

Vaughn shook his head tiredly. "They won't let me in. I'm not family" he said, wearily dragging his hand down his face.

Jack simply nodded.

"Why don't you go home? I'll straighten things out here. Go get cleaned up. When you come back everything will be set for you to see Sydney."

"Jack . . ." Vaughn said hesitantly. He didn't want to leave. What if . . .?

"Vaughn, go home" Jack said forcefully but not unkindly. "If anything happens, I'll call you."

Vaughn looked at him for a moment, still ready to resist . . . But he knew that look on Jack's face well . . . It meant that he was not going to be flexible about this, so Vaughn nodded and rose wearily from his seat. He looked back at Jack. "Call my cell if . . . well, just call if . . . if she wakes up" he said softly.

Jack nodded and Vaughn turned and walked slowly away. Feeling like he was deserting Sydney.

Again.

When he was out of sight, Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a second, then rose to go put things in order . . .

_~*silence*~_


	5. The Rules

**Part 5: The Rules**

"Dr. Williams?" he heard called as he stepped out of a patient's room, jotting things down on a chart.

"Yes?" he said as he turned to discover the father from earlier this morning standing stiffly behind him.

Jack Bristow stood silent for a moment, deliberately assessing the man who just that morning had been fighting to save his daughter's life . . . Consideration had to be given for that, he acknowledged, so he decided to go easy on the doctor . . .

Dr. Williams waited a moment for him to speak . Finally, with just a touch of impatience, he began "Was there something you wanted Mr. Bristow? Because if not-"

"I understand you told Mr. Vaughn that only family could see my daughter?"

"Yes, that's correct" Dr. Williams answered, now understanding the source of the problem. "Hospital policy dictates that only family members-"

"I understand you have rules Dr. Williams" Jack said briskly. The doctor nodded appreciatively. "But your rules do not concern me. My daughter does. She is in a small little room, hooked up to a lot of machines, fighting for her life and if having her friends around her, if hearing their voices, could possibly help bring her back, I'm not going to let some _rules _prevent that."

"But-"

"Dr. Williams, I did not come here for anything so minor as your consent. I am not asking for your permission. My intent here is merely to inform you of the way things will be. My daughter's friends and colleagues will be visiting her. I have made a list of these people. A copy of this list has been given to the nurses station and they will admit those people, and only those people, on the list whenever they see fit to visit. Are we clear?" Jack finished, clearly ready to return to his daughter.

"Well I uh-" Dr. Williams stuttered out, and was embarassed by his incoherence.

"A simple yes will do Dr. Williams" Jack spoke in clipped tones. "Are we *clear*?" he asked again, steel seeping into his voice.

"Y-yes we are Mr. Bristow" Dr. Williams finally managed to get out, wetting his lips nervously.

Jack nodded and without another word, turned and walked briskly away, already focused on other tasks.

Dr. Williams was left staring after him in a daze, feeling like he had just been steamrolled. Not for the first time, he thought that he really needed to look at the surgical programs at other hospitals . . . Working at a CIA hospital just put him in contact with the wrong people sometimes . . . He ran a shaky hand through his hair and tried to forget his encounter with Jack Bristow as he went about checking on his other patients . . .

_~*silence*~_


	6. Clarity

**Part 6: Clarity**

Vaughn sat in his car outside the hospital, keys by his side on the passenger seat, not able to bring himself to leave . . . His hands gripped the steering wheel as a wave of helplessness washed over him . . . _He should have been able to protect her _. . . That's why he had come back to the CIA . . . to make sure she'd be safe . . .

_Safe and ok . . ._

He took deep breaths, fighting back his grief and slowly, slowly his grip loosened on the steering wheel . . .

After an indeterminate amount of time, he exhaled, running a shaky hand through his hair and purposefully picked up his keys and started the car . . . Jack was right, he did need to get away for awhile . . . He felt like he was coming apart at the seams . . .

So, putting the car in gear, he drove slowly out of the hospital parking lot, feeling like he was leaving his heart behind . . . Stopped at a light, he was startled by the ringing of his cell phone . . . He picked it up and was about to answer when he caught a glimpse of the LCD screen flashing _"Home calling"_ . . .

His mind froze on one thought . . .

_Lauren_

The phone rang a few more times and then silenced as Vaughn's mind caught on the most significant decision he'd made in the two years Sydney had been gone . . .

_"Do you, Michael Vaughn, take Lauren Reed…" _

**_ "What it comes down to is Faith." _**

_ "…to be your lawfully wedded wife…" _

**_ "What I was hoping you would say is 'Sydney, I gave up.' " _**

_ "…to have and to hold…" _

**_ " 'I gave up on us . . .' " _**

_ "…in sickness and in health…" _

**_ " 'I lost faith.' " _**

_ "…for richer or for poorer…" _

**_ "If it had been me, I would have waited . . ." _**

_ "…as long as you both shall live?" _

**_ "I wouldn't have given up on you." _**

A horn honking behind him brought him out of his reverie . . . Brought him out of the moment of perfect clarity he'd just had . . .

He continued home with a renewed sense of purpose that continued as he walked through his front door.

"Michael, is that you?" he heard called from the living room.

"Yeah it's me" he answered solemnly, shutting the door behind him.

Lauren stepped into the entryway with a slight smile on her face that slowly fell as she met his gaze.

"Lauren, we need to talk . . ."

_~*silence*~_


	7. Daddy's little girl

_A/N: Ok, so you guys are gonna hate me 'cause it's gonna be awhile before you find out what Vaughn says to Lauren, but meanwhile don't you want to know what's going on with Sydney? . . . _

_ Well, alright then . . . Here you go! . . . ;o) . . . _

**Part 7: Daddy's little girl**

Jack stepped into the room just as a nurse was finishing up, recording Sydney's vitals.

"Should I come back?" he asked quietly.

"No, I'm just about finished" she answered, writing down the last bit of information, sliding the pen into place and returning the clipboard to it's place at the end of the bed. "All done" she said and padded to the door, exiting quietly.

Jack watched her exit from the room before he focused on his daughter lying between the crisp white sheets, hooked up to so many tubes and wires, she almost seemed trapped . . . She looked so pale, so helpless . . . Not like the strong woman she'd grown into at all . . .

"Hi honey" he said as he sat down in a chair.

"I-" he paused, rubbing his hand across his forehead wearily. He shook his head and exhaled. "I don't know what to say . . . I feel like someone is playing a cruel joke . . ." He was silent for a moment then continued. "Our lives aren't easy . . . Seems like they never were . . . Injuries, torture, death . . . All possibilities we accept going out on each mission . . . But you've already lost so much to this life . . . Even before you were old enough to understand, you lost your mother . . . You lost me . . ." he trailed off. "I know I haven't been a great father to you . . . In fact, I've been a downright bad father at times . . . But you have to believe that you've always been my baby girl in my heart . . . I know I closed myself off from you after your mother died and I'm sorry for that . . . I just didn't know how to deal with things after-" He stopped and caught his breath. "I guess right now that's not important . . . What is important is you will always be my baby girl . . . You're daddy's little girl and I love you honey . . . Never doubt that . . . I know the last few weeks have been hard . . . Losing your friends . . . Finding out Vaughn is married . . . For everyone else the world changed gradually. For you it changed overnight . . ." He moved his chair closer and smoothed her hair. "I know it may not seem like there's much of a reason for you to come back, but-" his hand shook slightly as he continued to smooth her hair "but I need you here Sydney. You've been my silent strength all these years and I need you to wake up honey . . . Daddy needs you to wake up now." He watched her for a moment, waiting and then he took a deep breath.

"It's ok" he said, reaching for her hand. "It's ok if you can't right now . . . I'm just going to stay here so you're not alone ok? . . . You're not alone . . . You can wake up when you're ready . . . "

_~*silence*~_


	8. Long lost friends

_**A/N:** Ok, I don't want you guys to think I'm gonna parade all the people in Sydney's life into her room to talk to her 'cause that would be annoying, right? Right. So that's not what's gonna happen. It's just a few key people (only like 2 more, 1 of which is Vaughn), so no worries . . . But just as a warning . . . the next visitor's a doozy . . . Anyway, on with the story . . . Hope you enjoy . . . _

_ Oh and a slight tissue warning for this part? . . . I don't know, it made me sad writing it so maybe . . . Really, I have no sense of these things . . . _

**Part 8: Long lost friends**

The young man opened the door and peeked inside tentatively. Jack looked up from his silent vigil over his daughter and rose from his seat, gesturing for him to enter. Jack looked at him solemnly for a moment, noting how he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of Sydney.

Finally he focused on Jack.

"I'm sorry . . ." he said unsteadily. "It's just . . ."

"It's ok Mr. Tippin. I'll give you some time alone with her" Jack said, patting him on the shoulder and then leaving the room.

Will nodded, once again focusing on Sydney's still form in the hospital bed.

There were so many things attached to her . . . A machine monitoring her heart . . . Another one helping her breathe . . . And she was so still . . .

He walked over to the bed slowly and sat down in the chair previously occupied by Jack. He reached out and around the tubing and the I.V., he picked up her hand, cradling it in his.

"Hey Syd" he said quietly, his voice breaking on her name. "It's Will." He swallowed. "Your father arranged for me to come back . . . He thought you'd want to hear from me . . . Syd-" he paused again and studied the heart monitor intently for a minute, trying to fend off his tears. Finally he began to speak again. "You know, two years ago they told me you were dead. I didn't believe it, but they told me. I thought to myself 'Syd's not dead. She's too strong.'" His eyes teared and he had to pause again. "I thought . . . 'It's just a cover for witness protection . . . or some mission . . . She's not dead . . .' Life couldn't be that cruel. It couldn't take you and Francie from me at the same time . . . So you had to be alive . . . But then I took one look at Vaughn's face . . ." His voice broke and tears started to run down his face. He stopped to gather himself together. Awhile later he continued. "I saw his face and I knew . . . You were really gone . . . And now" he sighed to prevent himself from crying again "Now I find out you're alive, but it's not fair Syd . . . They say you might not wake up . . . But you _have _to . . . I know I'm in witness protection and we won't see each other, but the world needs Sydney Bristow . . . *I* need you Syd . . . I need to know you're ok . . . that you're alive and you're ok . . . So wake up Syd" he began to cry again softly. His head came to rest on their joined hands. "I need you to wake up now Syd . . ." He looked up at her pale face, letting the tears fall unheeded. "Wake up Syd please . . ."

_~*silence*~_


	9. Unexpected

**Part 9: Unexpected**

A nurse stepped into the room and closed the door behind her after scanning the halls. She observed the woman residing in the single bed with a worried brow and the man sleeping fitfully in the chair beside her, holding her hand.

Her expression softened.

She walked over and picked up Sydney's chart, scanning her status and all the medications she was currently on. Then, setting the chart back in it's place, she walked over to the sleeping man and shook him awake. "Wake up" she whispered.

His eyes shot open, looking at the bed. "Sydney?" he said, sitting up quickly.

"No Jack" she answered softly. His eyes jumped to her in surprise. "Irina?" he asked, the haze of sleep quickly gone.

"It's me" she confirmed softly.

"I didn't know if you'd come" he said as he got up stiffly and looked at her, studied her really. She met his gaze steadily.

For the first time in a long time, she actually looked like the woman he'd married so many years ago . . . But she looked sad and vulnerable too. He gathered her into his arms as her arms came around him and they just held each other for awhile. Finally Irina pulled back and looked over at Sydney. "I need to- Can you-?" she gestured helplessly.

"You want to be alone with her for awhile?"

She nodded.

"Ok, I'll be just outside" he said, reaching over to smooth Sydney's hair before leaving the room.

Irina stepped over to the bed and smoothed the covers around Sydney, fixing her hair and adjusting her pillow.

Then she stood looking down at her.

"My darling girl" she murmurred.

She took a seat in the chair.

"Sydney, it's your mother . . ."

She sighed.

"Maybe I forfeited the right to call myself that when you were 6 years old, but I am still your mother. I carried you within me for 9 months and I nursed you, loved you . . . I _still _love you . . . And I know I've done some awful things . . . Some for the right reasons, but more for the wrong ones . . . But the hardest thing I ever did is leave you and your father . . ." She paused. "The best thing I ever did is have you . . ." She caressed Sydney's cheek. "My beautiful girl . . . I haven't been a mother to you all these years but I have been watching you and the one thing I know? The world is a better place with you in it . . . *My* world is a better place with you in it . . ."

She stood and pulled a syringe out of her pocket.

"So I'm going to help you . . . Help you out of the place you're in right now . . ."

She removed the cover from the syringe.

"I've had this lab in France for awhile now, where they work on medical experiments . . . They came up with this formula that combats 'the rising dark' . . . What the scientists there call a coma . . . I pray it will help you too . . . It's been thoroughly tested and you aren't on anything that might counteract it, I checked . . . I would never give it to you if it weren't safe . . ."

She injected the contents into Sydney's I.V. and then, capping the syringe, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Sydney's forehead.

"You're going to be ok now Sydney . . . I promise . . ." she said softly.

She stood there for awhile, looking down at her daughter . . . Then she sighed and left the room. The only sounds left behind were the beeping of the heart monitor and the sound of the respirator pumping air into Sydney's lungs. As the door shut behind her, Sydney's hand twitched, then lay still . . .

_~*silence*~_


	10. Fever?

_**A/N:** As short as my parts have been, who would have guessed they could get shorter? . . This part's so short it's not even a part, it's an interlude. I apologize in advance 'cause if you blink you'll miss it (it's that short), but take my word for it, it's relevant to the story line . . . ;o) . . ._

**Interlude: Fever?**

Dr. Williams looked at Miss Bristow's chart and frowned at the nurse standing beside him.

"I'm noticing a spike in her temperature since this morning. Has she been administered any drugs that weren't noted on the chart?" he asked, flipping the pages, looking for anything that might have been missed.

"No doctor, nothing new has been administered since she was admitted to the ICU" the nurse answered.

"Well, she may be getting an infection. We need to treat it before her fever gets any higher. Give her ten cc's of sepataxime. Let's see how she does on that . . ."

The nurse nodded and left the room to get the medication . . . After noting the new medication on her chart, Dr. Williams placed the chart back in it's place and followed suit, never once noticing that his patient's eyes appeared to be moving beneath her eyelids . . .

_~*silence*~_

_Next part: Vaughn returns . . ._


	11. Hush

_**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to get this part posted . . . RL kinda took over for awhile but I'm back . . . So yeah, since it's been so long since I posted (like 2 months ) I figured I'd post a little refresher for all those who might need a memory jog . . ._

**Previously:**

_"Base I have the package, I'm in room 214. I need extraction."_

"Copy that Mountaineer. Team's on it's way. E.T.A. in" a pause as he checked with the team "4 minutes" came over the static in her comm link.

...

Too late . . .

A fraction of a second too late and time was against her once again.

She should have kept her head in the game, shouldn't have been thinking about Vaughn

"Goodbye" Koreshnokov said to her in Russian as he squeezed the trigger, gun aimed at her chest.

She closed her eyes.

Goodbye

...

"At approximately 10:16 this morning, Agent Sydney Bristow was shot" Dixon's voice wavered for a moment before strengthening "in the chest while on a routine mission." There was a collective gasp in the meeting room as he continued. "She was taken to Mount Sinai hospital and is currently in surgery . . ."

...

"How is she?"

"Is she ok?"

"The bullet fractured her ribcage and a bone fragment punctured her heart . . . There was internal bleeding. We repaired the damage the best we could and she made it through the surgery . . ." Both men let out a breath of relief. "But she slipped into a coma soon after. I'm sorry . . ."

...

"Michael, is that you?" he heard called from the living room.

"Yeah it's me" he answered solemnly, shutting the door behind him.

Lauren stepped into the entryway with a slight smile on her face that slowly fell as she met his gaze.

"Lauren, we need to talk . . ."

...

"...I know the last few weeks have been hard . . . Losing your friends . . . Finding out Vaughn is married . . . For everyone else the world changed gradually. For you it changed overnight . . . I know it may not seem like there's much of a reason for you to come back, but-" his hand shook slightly as he continued to smooth her hair "but I need you here Sydney. You've been my silent strength all these years and I need you to wake up honey . . . Daddy needs you to wake up now . . ."

...

"Hey Syd" he said quietly, his voice breaking on her name. "It's Will." He swallowed. "Your father arranged for me to come back . . . He thought you'd want to hear from me . . ."

"...They say you might not wake up . . . But you have to . . . I know I'm in witness protection and we won't see each other, but the world needs Sydney Bristow . . . I need you Syd . . . I need to know you're ok . . . that you're alive and you're ok . . . So wake up Syd" he began to cry again softly. His head came to rest on their joined hands. "Wake up Syd please . . ."

...

"Sydney, it's your mother . . ."

"Maybe I forfeited the right to call myself that when you were 6 years old, but I am still your mother . . ."

She stood and pulled a syringe out of her pocket.

"So I'm going to help you . . . Help you out of the place you're in right now . . ."

She removed the cover from the syringe.

"I've had this lab in France for awhile now, where they work on medical experiments . . . They created this formula that combats 'the rising dark' . . . What the scientists there call a coma . . . I pray it will help you too . . . It's been thoroughly tested and you aren't on anything that might counteract it, I checked . . . I would never give it to you if it weren't safe . . ."

She injected the contents into Sydney's I.V. and then, capping the syringe, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on Sydney's forehead.

"You're going to be ok now Sydney . . . I promise . . ." she said softly.

She stood there for awhile, looking down at her daughter . . . Then she sighed and left the room. The only sounds left behind were the beeping of the heart monitor and the sound of the respirator pumping air into Sydney's lungs. As the door shut behind her, Sydney's hand twitched, then lay still . . .

...

Dr. Williams looked at Sydney's chart and frowned at the nurse standing beside him.

"I'm noticing a spike in her temperature since this morning. Has she been administered any drugs that weren't noted on the chart?" he asked, flipping the pages, looking for anything that might have been missed.

"No doctor, nothing new has been administered since she was admitted to the ICU" the nurse answered.

"Well, she may be getting an infection. We need to treat it before her fever gets any higher. Give her ten cc's of sepataxime. Let's see how she does on that . . ."

...

And now . . .

Vaughn returns  


**Part 10: Hush**

_I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire __  
I love you as certain dark things are loved  
Secretly  
between the shadow and the soul  
I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries  
hidden within itself, the light of those flowers  
And thanks to your love, darkly in my body  
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth  
I love you without knowing how or when  
or from where  
I love you simply, without problems or pride  
I love you in this way because I don't know  
any other way of loving  
but this, in which there is no I or you  
So intimate that your hand upon my chest  
is my hand  
So intimate that when I fall asleep  
it is your eyes that close . . ._

– Pablo Neruda, Sonnet XVII

Vaughn pushed the door to Sydney's room open slowly. It slid with a soft whoosh across the floor as his gaze moved hesitantly around the room until it fell on her form lying _so still _in the single hospital bed . . .

He took in everything in an instant . . . The paleness of her skin, _it was almost translucent, _the dark smudges under her eyes, _they looked like bruises, _and the tube that was taped to her mouth that trailed to the respirator, _the reason her chest continued to rise and fall _. . .

It nearly broke his heart but he took it all in, hungrily, thankful that she was still here . . . Still tethered to this world, however faintly . . .

_Not gone . . ._

He blinked rapidly when her image became hazy, tears clouding his vision . . . This wouldn't, _couldn't, _end the way that day had . . .

Memories drifted to him . . .

"Earth to earth" _despair _"Ashes to ashes" _crumbling sand _"Dust to dust" _the wind carried her away . . ._

**Dr. Harris to Exam room 3. Dr. Harris to Exam 3**

The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the first thing that registered as Vaughn blinked the hospital room back into focus and dragged a hand down his face to wipe it . . . Exhaling a shaky breath, he stepped fully into the room, allowing the door to close softly behind him . . .

In the silence, Jack's words drifted back to him . . .

_"You're not alone, Vaughn's here . . ."_

He'd heard the hushed words Jack had spoken to Sydney before he'd pulled Vaughn half into the hallway . . . He'd then informed Vaughn that he was to stay with Sydney while Jack went on the mission to retrieve the man who had shot her. Even at the mention of Koreshnokov, Jack's features had hardened and his jaw tightened and Vaughn found himself almost pitying Koreshnokov with Jack on his trail . . . But as the sounds of the hospital seeped in, any possibility of pity for him dissapeared.

Jack had placed one hand on his shoulder even as his features almost imperceptibly shifted when he looked over at Sydney. Then, with one final order to Vaughn, "Notify me if _anything _happens . . ." he'd departed, his brisk stride and stiff posture carrying him down the hall until he turned a corner and dissapeared from view . . .

Vaughn shook off his memories as Sydney's presence seemed to pull him across the room and he followed, sitting down heavily in the chair next to her . . . He was quiet for a long moment, trying to gather his emotions . . . She looked so small and pale and _broken _lying there . . .

_Not gone . . ._

He picked up her hand as he shook his head. She _had _to be ok . . .

He opened his mouth to speak. "Syd" his voice emerged, hoarse from emotion. "It-it's me" he cleared his throat. "It's Vaughn" he sighed and reached out with his other hand. "I'm here Syd . . ." he said softly, reaching over to trail his fingertips lightly down her cheek. "I'm here . . ."

His breath left him in a deep sigh as his hand slowly returned to his side . . .

"I wish . . ." he shook his head, trying to drown out the hospital sounds around him . . . "I wish things were different Syd . . . _so much _. . . I just . . ." His mouth twisted into a sad smile. "I wish for so much now . . . I wish you weren't in this place, I wish you weren't in a coma, I wish I had had more _faith" _his voice cracked and he paused. "Maybe we wouldn't be here if I had . . . Maybe you would be ok, maybe . . ." his voice trailed off and he ran a hand down his face, wiping away an errant tear in the process. "You were gone so long Syd . . . Seven hundred-" his voice hitched "-seven hundred and thirteen days, six hours-" emotion choked him "-and fourteen minutes . . ." His eyes closed briefly. _"So long . . ."_ He smoothed her hand as he inhaled shakily. "I got so lost Syd . . . without you . . . It-it's not enough but I-I'm sorry . . . I just . . ." he looked down, drained ". . . I got so lost . . . " His hand tightened around hers. "Syd, please . . . Don't leave me again . . . I-I can't do this without you . . ." His other hand rose up to cradle her pale one between his and his eyes rose to the ceiling. "I need her here . . ." His voice shook. "Please send her back to me . . . _Please _. . ." His voice trailed off as his head dropped and sobs shook his frame . . .

_"Shh . . . It's ok Vaughn . . . Everything's ok . . ." _she said to him softly, running her fingers, featherlight, through his hair . . .

"Syd?" Vaughn rasped as he looked up quickly, hopefully . . . only to encounter empty air and a still comatose Sydney . . .

_"I'm here . . ." _Her hand turned in his, solid yet light as air . . . _"I'm right here . . ."_

He shook his head in denial even as her voice eased some of the constriction in his heart. "I can't lose you again . . ." he said, then softer "I can't lose you . . ."

_"Shh . . ." _Her voice silenced the words he still wanted to speak and emotion closed his throat.

_"Shhhh . . ."_

**Beeeeeeeeep**

Her phantom touch left his hair and her hand became still in his as the relative quiet of the room was pierced by a high-pitched sound and a whisper that sounded eerily like _'I'm sorry . . .'_ and Vaughn was left with a heart monitor whose steady beeping had now changed to a flatline and a single thought moving through his head:

_I can't lose you . . ._

_~silence~_


	12. Sand and Water

**A/N:**I am going quote crazy so I apologize in advance . . . I had planned to post this earlier but the part wasn't cooperating (still isn't, truth be told), but I wanted to get it posted since I left you guys with such a cliffhanger . . . Don't hold it against me? . . . ;o) . . .

Ok, on with the show . . .

_Hopeless as my dream dies, as the time flies __  
Love, a lost illusion ... helpless, unforgiven ...  
Cold and driven to this sad conclusion  
No beauty could move me, no goodness improve me  
No power on earth, if I can't love her . . ._

- from the Broadway version of Disney's _Beauty and the Beast_

**Previously:**

**Beeeeeeeeep**

_Her phantom touch left his hair and her hand became still in his as the relative quiet of the room was pierced by a high-pitched sound and a whisper that sounded eerily like 'I'm sorry . . .' and Vaughn was left with a heart monitor whose steady beeping had now changed to a flatline and a single thought moving through his head: _

_I can't lose you . . ._

And now . . .

**Part 11: Sand and Water**

~We will not remember dying - Pablo Neruda~

_Sydney and Francie sat by the shoreline, watching the waves pound against the surf. _

_Across the sand stood Vaughn . . . He was talking but his voice was drowned out by the waves . . ._

_"What is he saying?" Francie asked, tilting her head at Vaughn even as she continued drawing patterns in the sand . . ._

_Sydney shook her head and sighed._

_"He never really speaks to me anymore" she answered even as she strained to hear his words. She had tried to approach him but found that even though they appeared to be on the same beach, there were oceans separating them . . . She exhaled slowly and sent whispers of comfort on the wind, even as she resolved to let him go . . ._

_Her fingers delved into the sand in an attempt to occupy them, looking for answers in their depths, even as the grains slid from her hands back to their original positions in a fruitless task . . ._

_She looked up when there was a flash. Francie continued drawing in the sand, seemingly oblivious . . ._

_"What's that?" Sydney asked, pointing at the bright light._

**Beeeeeeeeep**

_Francie turned to look. "What?" she asked, her voice sounding far away._

**"She's going into cardiac arrest! Prep the crash cart!" **

_The bright light was coming closer and Sydney stood up to meet it._

**"Clear!"**

_A figure emerged._

**"Charge to 200 . . ."**

_"Emily?"_

**"Clear!"**

_"You're not supposed to be here Sydney . . . You have to go back" Emily said softly even as the light enveloped her form, making it hard to see . . ._

**"Charge to 300 . . ."**

_"But-" Sydney began, shading her eyes . . ._

**"Clear!"**

_She needed to find Francie . . ._

**"Charge to 400 . . ."**

_"I can't lose you . . ." _

_The whisper, so broken, reached her ears and her heart clenched . ._ .

**"Clear!"**

_It pulled her home against her will . . . _

**Beep Beep Beep Beep**

_"Please . . ."_

**"We have a rhythm!"**

_~silence~_


	13. A moment

Ok, so I haven't posted in forever . . . Hope you guys are still interested . . .

_"Into your heart, I'll beat again" -_ Dave Matthews Band

**Part 12: A Moment**

_"Goodbye"_

_The shot, when it sounded, seemed to reverberate around the room as everything went black . . ._

_(How did she get here?)_

_"There was a fire at your apartment . . ."_

_From her position on the floor, she pointed the gun at Francie, no, no, not!Francie (Francie was gone)..._

_". . . Will survived . . ."_

_Her heart thundered in her chest (pounding)..._

_"But you . . . they found remains . . ."_

_Breath rushed past her lungs (breathing)..._

_"The DNA . . . was a match . . ."_

_Her hand trembled and she struggled to hold the gun steady (so tired)..._

_"You were dead . . ."_

_She shook her head in denial, memories rushing past as the muzzle flashed..._

_"I just woke up in Hong Kong. I don't know how long I've been here..."_

_... the shots left gaping holes in her best friend's chest as she gasped, shocked ..._

_". . . two years . . . You've been missing for almost two years . . ."_

_She collapsed back against the mirror... _

_"Why are you wearing that ring?"_

_Koreshnokov aimed the gun at her as his finger squeezed the trigger..._

_"You should know, besides being the NSA liason, I am also Michael Vaughn's wife . . ."_

_She sighed softly as her eyes closed, accepting._

_"You were dead . . ."_

_...just a ghost..._

_"You were dead."_

**Beeeeeeeeep**

Sydney's eyes flew open and she looked wildly around the room. When her eyes landed on the medical equipment, the tubes, the wires and then Vaughn sleeping in a chair next to her bed, she began to cry. Through all the tubes and wires attached to her, slow tears ran down her face . . .

She wasn't supposed to be here . . .

Vaughn sat up suddenly, Sydney's name a desperate cry as his eyes opened. Confused, his hand tightened around hers.

She just cried harder.

_'Anywhere but here'_ she thought desperately.

His shocked eyes met hers and he jumped up. "You're awake . . . Oh god, Syd you're awake!" he cried, blinking back tears from his own eyes. "Shh Syd, it's ok" he wiped her tears carefully, worried eyes meeting hers. "Shh, it's ok, you're ok . . . Are you in pain?"

She nodded around the tube in her throat as she continued to cry. Her heart hurt . . .

He pressed the call button by the bed and continued murmurring to her and wiping her tears gently. When the nurse bustled in he said "She - she's awake! Can you give her something" he swallowed over the lump in his throat "something for the pain?"

She looked pleadingly at the nurse . . . Something for the pain, that'd be nice . . .

The nurse increased her morphine drip and Vaughn's concerned eyes faded away . . .

It wasn't exactly what she wanted, but it'd do . . .

_~silence~_


	14. Fear

_**A/N: **Ok, so I've been gone almost as long as Syd at the end of Season 2 (embarrassed look) but I'm here with a shiny new part . . . Please read and review and let me know what you think (the good, the bad *and* the ugly :o) . . . For those who don't remember this story (understandably since it's been so long since I posted), there's even a summary, of sorts, between the lines . . ._

_Ok, here goes:_

**Part 13: Fear**

The only sound in the empty, dust-filled warehouse was the rap of Jack's shoes as he briskly strode down the hall. The hall went on for about 20 feet and ended in an abrupt turn. As he turned the corner, from a doorway, a gun cocked next to his ear...

...the action seemed to make no impression as Jack turned only slightly, his eyes skimming over the barrel to meet the eyes of the man that just yesterday had tried to kill his only daughter...

Koreshnokov froze for a second, recognizing Jack Bristow . . .

_He glimpsed a slow, deadly blink..._

"**_At approximately 10:16 this morning Agent Sydney Bristow was shot . . ." _**

...then Jack struck.

Hand snapping from and back to his side quickly, he caught Koreshnokov under the chin, connecting with a knife strike...

"**_The bullet missed her major arteries . . ." _**

...the gun clattered to the ground as a choking sound emerged from Koreshnokov's lips. As he staggered, Jack bent low, twisted his hips for power, and smashed his fist into Koreshnokov's kidney...

"**_. . . but fractured her ribcage . . ." _**

...the blow landed like a sledgehammer and Koreshnokov slammed into the closed door behind him then crumbled to the ground, unable to breathe, only achieving a painful wheezing. Between gasps for breath, he reached for a hidden weapon...

"**_. . . a bone fragment punctured her heart . . ."_**

Jack struck again, hard and fast…There was the cracking sound of bone breaking...

"**_. . . there was internal bleeding . . ."_**

...Koreshnokov did not reach again...

**_". . . she made it through the surgery . . ."_**

Jack Bristow was a ruthless man. This was known by many, a lot of whom could claim firsthand knowledge.

Only a few however knew he was capable of mercy...

"**_. . . but she slipped into a coma soon after . . ."_  
**  
...Koreshnokov's gasp of pain echoed throughout the warehouse halls...

_Now was not a time for mercy._

"Agent Bristow" crackled in Jack's earpiece.

Koreshnokov let out a gurgling gasp as Jack straightened.

"**_What are her chances of waking up?"_**

The agent speaking in Jack's ear turned the corner. He seemed unsurprised with the scene that greeted him but he stopped a respectable distance away. "Agent Bristow, there's a call at the transport . . . It's about your daughter . . ."

"**_She sustained major damage to her chest cavity and severe blood loss . . ."_**

Koreshnokov, with his right arm cradled uselessly at his side, numerous broken bones throughout his body, and though he could draw only the shallowest of breaths, still felt relief wash over him...

_...until he heard the chamber of a gun being snapped into place..._

"**_What are her chances? . . ."_**

Jack reached down and yanked Koreshnokov by his shoulder, causing him to gasp and then choke on a wet cough, even as newly broken bones shifted to accommodate Jack's grip...

"**_About 40 percent . . ."_**

Jack spoke to Koreshnokov quietly and the agent watched as Koreshnokov's pain-filled eyes widened further with fear...

"**_We repaired the damage the best we could . . ."_**

Jack let go and stood, aiming the gun that only moments before had been pointed at him...

**_"Borov Koreshnokov, working as an agent of the Covenant, has been confirmed as the man that attempted to take Sydney Bristow's life . . ."_**

...Jack pulled the trigger, shattering Koreshnokov's kneecap...

His receding footsteps were the last thing Koreshnokov heard before he passed out...

The agent left behind looked down at the mess that was Koreshnokov and shook his head, radioing for assistance and that Agent Bristow was on his way . . .

What the agent didn't realize, what few would, really, was that he had just borne witness to a rare phenomenon...

Some would call it Revenge, others would call it Justice . . . But the truth was that this . . .

...Koreshnokov, still unconscious, groaned as he was moved onto a stretcher...

"**What has happened to my daughter?"**

_. . . this was how Jack Bristow grieved . . ._

~_silence_~


	15. A little faith

**Part 13: A little faith**

_Sydney was 5 years old . . . She was on her favorite swing in the park and her Daddy was pushing her . . ._

"**_Our lives aren't easy . . ."_**

_She was happy._

"**_Seems like they never were . . ."_**

"Higher Daddy, Higher!" she urged, pumping her little legs to gain momentum, loving how it felt like she was flying . . .

"**_Injuries, Torture, Death . . ."_**

_Her father laughed. "Ok honey."_

"**_All possibilities we accept going out on each mission . . ."_**

_Suddenly she was running in the house, her father behind her carrying a stuffed animal._

"**_But you've already lost so much to this life . . ."_**

"_Mommy, Mommy!" she called, running through the rooms._

"**_You lost your mother . . ."_**

"_No running in the house honey" her mother called from the kitchen. Sydney's sprint immediately slowed, her father still following indulgently behind her . . . _

"**_You lost me . . ."_**

"_Sorry Mommy" she said as she spotted her mom in the kitchen and walked quickly to her, tangling in the skirts around her mother's legs. Her mother reached down and hugged her and then said "Sit up here honey" pointing at a stool at the counter._

"**_I know it may not seem like there's much of a reason for you to come back but . . ."_**

"_Hi sweetheart" Jack said as he entered the room, giving his wife a big kiss and a hug that had to be broken up by little Sydney . . ._

"**_. . . but I need you here Sydney . . ."_**

"_Syd? Syd!" Francie called. Sydney turned and blinked at her. "Can you believe Undergrad is over?"_

"**_They say you might not wake up . . ."_**

_The bartender handed her a beer and her and Francie clinked glasses. "We must be insane to be considering grad school . . ."_

"**_But you have to . . ."_**

"_That's what I said!" Will said, joining them and yelling "Woo Hoo! It's over!" to the room._

"**_I know I'm in witness protection . . ."_**

_Sydney grinned, dimples flaring. Her and Francie looked at each other then turned to the bartender. "I want what he's having" they said in unison._

"**_But I need to know you're ok . . ."_**

_Suddenly she was standing and Danny was on bended knee, "Build me up Buttercup baby, then you let me down . . . Build me up . . ."_

"**_. . . that you're alive and you're ok . . ."_**

_"Sydney . . . I can't tell you how much I hope you'll marry me. Despite what I just did . . ."_

_"**You're not alone . . ."**_

_Vaughn said her name softly as he looked down at his wrist._

"**_You were gone so long Syd . . ."_**

"_This watch belonged to my father..."_

"**_I got so lost . . . without you . . ."_**

"_It's broken now, but it used to keep perfect time..."_

"**_I-I can't do this without you . . ."_**

"_When he gave it to me, he said 'You could set your heart by this watch.' "_

"**_I can't lose you again . . ."_**

"_It stopped October 1st - the day we met."_

"**_It's ok . . ."_**

_He took her hand._

"**_You can wake up when you're ready . . ."_**

Sydney's eyes fluttered open slowly, adjusting to the lights in the room. At least they had removed the tube from her throat, she noticed. Next her senses registered that someone was holding her hand. Slowly her eyes followed the hand to it's holder . . .

It was her dad.

She smiled and squeezed his hand and his gaze flew to hers. For a moment he was speechless . . .

"Hi Daddy" she whispered, her throat feeling tender.

"Honey" he said tenderly as he squeezed her hand. "Hold on" he said quietly before she could say more and then reached beside him and handed her a small cup of water that she hadn't even noticed. "Take small sips."

The water slid cool and soothing down her throat, exactly what she'd needed. She smiled at her father as he took the empty cup from her.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I've been hit by a mack truck . . . But other than that, good" she smiled, dimples flaring just a little.

"We were so worried about you."

She gave his hand a light squeeze then her eyebrows knit in a frown as she tried to grab an elusive memory. "Dad, was Will here? 'Cause I thought . . ." she trailed off.

"Yeah, honey he was here . . . He'll be back later" Jack said, a lightening in his features at her smile of happiness at his words.

Her smile softened . . . Seeing some of the weight of the world lift off her father's shoulders was a pleasant experience . . .

_She had almost left him . . ._

"I'm sorry Daddy" she whispered as her gaze dropped to her lap.

"For what, honey?" he asked, tightening his grip on her hand. "I . . ." she looked over at Vaughn who was watching quietly. "Can we talk about it later?" she asked shakily.

"Of course, of course, honey" Jack said.

In response, she reached forward and her father arms gladly came around her, hugging her lightly, being sure not to squeeze too tight . . . She hugged him back weakly, reminded painfully of her injuries . . .

For a moment she allowed herself to focus only on the comfort that she felt in her father's arms, but, sensing Vaughn's gaze, her eyes opened and met Vaughn's over her father's shoulder.

She looked away . . .

"My baby girl" he murmurred into her hair, so quietly that only she heard him.

"I'm ok now Dad" she said as he stepped back. Just then his pager began to beep and he looked down at it, a frown pulling the corners of his mouth downward.

He turned it off, obviously having decided that whatever the page concerned, it couldn't be as important as spending time with his daughter . . .

"Dad" Sydney said gently "it's ok. Go return that page. I'll still be here when you get back" she said as she smiled at him.

"Sydney-" he started, intent on not leaving her side.

"Dad, really, it's ok . . . I'm awake and I'm ok . . ." she said, immediately zeroing on the cause for his hesitation . . .

"Ok honey" he acquiesced in a way that only Sydney could coax from him. "I'll be back in a few minutes" he said, and his expression darkened, thunder in it's wake for whoever had called him away from his daughter's bedside . . . He threw a little at Vaughn in the form of a warning look before he left the room . . .

Sydney slowly sank into her pillows as the door closed softly behind her father.

She closed her eyes.

_So tired . . ._

"Syd" Vaughn said softly, sliding soundlessly into the chair her father had vacated. He reached out to touch her but withdrew before their skin made contact. Her eyes opened to meet his gently concerned ones. "Are you ok? Do you want me to call a nurse?" he asked, hand drifting slowly down to rest at his side.

She shook her head. "I'm ok, just tired" she murmurred, eyes sliding away from his to rest on her IV. "Good drugs" she said, causing Vaughn's forehead to smooth a little as he smiled.

They both sat in silence for a moment. Vaughn was the first to break it. "So they caught Koreshnokov . . . Actually your father caught him . . . He's a little worse for wear after their encounter but he's in CIA custody . . . Maybe you can finally get some answers" he said softly.

She shook her head. "I realized before all this happened that getting answers isn't going to magically fix my life . . . I don't even think it'll give me peace of mind . . . My life will still be broken" she said and trailed off, realizing that fatigue (and drugs probably) had apparently loosened her tongue . . .

Before the silence could stretch and become uncomfortable, Vaughn blurted out "I left Lauren."

"What?" she said as her eyes snapped fully open to look at him in surprise.

"I left Lauren" he said more clearly.

Sydney inhaled a deep breath, suddenly wide awake . . . Her thoughts were chaotic and seemed to be colliding with each other, fighting for prominence . . . "Wh-when?" tumbled from her lips, not even sure why she asked that question first . . .

"Early yesterday . . ."

"It was before you woke up" he said in answer to the questions swimming in her eyes . . .

"Wh-why?"

He looked at her for a moment before answering, his eyes caressing her face. "Because when you were in here, fighting for your life, I forgot about Lauren . . . Completely forgot that she existed . . . That I even had a wife . . . She wasn't the last thing on my mind Syd, she wasn't even _on _my mind . . . I realized I couldn't deny my heart any longer . . . And my heart was here with you . . ."

Her heart seemed to trip and shudder as she stared at him. "But why would you leave Lauren? You didn't even know if I would wake up . . ."

Vaughn smiled a lop-sided smile at her.

_"It was about Faith . . ."  
_

_~silence~_


	16. It's only love

_**A/N:** Ok, so here's the thing . . . This part that I'm posting now? . . . It's yet another part that I'm up in the air about . . . On first glance it pretty much is unlike the rest of this fic . . . Now that's partly because I wrote it way early in this story . . . However in the past week, when I've tried to edit it (and make it more "Silence"-like, lol) I found that it just flows too nicely to touch . . . Hence, here you go . . . A chapter completely out of place and time, plopped smack in the middle of this fic . . . ;o) . . . _

_Hope you all can see why I couldn't bring myself to change it . . ._

_Oh and also, two lines in this part were taken from a Dead Zone ep and the lyrics and title are from Heather Nova's "It's only love"_

_~ denotes lyrics_

**Part 14: It's only love**

Vaughn stood in the open doorway to Sydney's room, quietly gazing in at her . . . Simply basking in the fact that she was awake . . . That she was gonna be ok . . .

And the lingering tightness in his chest simply _. . . loosened . . ._

Seemingly oblivious, Sydney sat on the bed, head turned, staring out of the window . . . She seemed to be focused on some distant point on the horizon, giving him the opportunity to observe without speaking . . .

_~I used to think that I knew what we needed~_

She was still pale, still thoroughly banged up, with dark circles under her eyes . . .

_~I just assumed we would always be fine~_

She looked tired, he thought in passing . . . _but still beautiful_ . . .

_~Now I don't think that we lost the feeling~_

She spoke quietly without looking away from the window . . .

_~But we let everything build up inside~_

"Are you just gonna stand there staring or were you planning to come in?"

_~It's only love~_

He looked away quickly and entered the room, embarrassed at being caught . . .

_~But love…should make us strong~_

He moved to the room's only chair silently and sat down.

_~It's only love~_

Her eyes were now focused on him and he was blown away by the emotions swimming in them . . .

_~But love…has been hurting so long~_

"Syd . . ." he said softly and then stopped, not sure what to say . . . There was so much _to_ say. So much he wanted to tell her . . .

_~What a challenge…Honesty~_

Her gaze seemed drawn to the window once again . . .

_~What a struggle to learn to speak~_

There was so much he'd stopped himself from saying since she'd come back, he had no idea where to start . . .

_~Who would've thought that pretending was easier?~_

"You know what I've been sitting here thinking Vaughn?" Sydney asked quietly.

_~It's only love~_

His murmurred "no" was almost inaudible . . .

_~But love…should make us strong~_

"I was thinking that Monday could have been the last sunset I ever saw . . . I almost died Vaughn . . ."

_~It's only love~_

"Syd, I know. What-" he began in a tortured voice.

She continued as if he'd never interrupted. "I almost _died._ Almost left this life behind . . ."

_~But love…has been hurting so…long~_

Her grief . . . His grief . . . They stole his voice . . .

_~And it's all a part of me~  
~Tearing my heart~_

"But the worst part? . . . The worst part is I didn't care . . ."

_~Only love~_

"Wh-what?" he finally managed to get out hoarsely, shock coursing through his system.

_~And it's all of eternity, hoping to learn~_

"I didn't care" she repeated.

_~Only love~_

"I got sloppy. I wanted to die. There didn't seem to be anything here for me anymore . . ."

_~There's a part of you I'm trying to reach~_

Vaughn inhaled a shuddering breath and let it out . . . He found himself wishing for her to look at him, an unreasonable part of him feeling that her words wouldn't be true if she looked at him as she tried to say them.

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

_~Still a part I don't know~_

The pain in her eyes was uncamaflouged now as she looked across at him. "I'm not blaming you Vaughn, it was my choice . . ."

_~Tell me, is devotion a gift or a thief?~_

"I'm still sorry" he said, eyes now focused downward . . .

_~Do you wish I'd let go?~_

"I don't know what we're supposed to do now Vaughn. I don't know if I want you to be my whole life again . . . Loving you almost killed me" she said softly, looking away.

_~It's only love~_

He inhaled sharply as she paraphrased his words of not so long ago back at him . . .

_~But love…should make us strong~_

"I know how that feels, but Syd . . ." he reached for her chin with a shaky hand and her eyes met his. "Life without you isn't Life. It's merely existing. Life is risk. _Love _is risk. Don't throw us away because you're scared. I won't let you go again. I _can't_ lose you again" he said, his voice breaking slightly, his hand still resting on her cheek.

_~It's only love~_

She smiled tremulously through her tears and he smiled back as he wiped them away silently.

_~But love…has been hurting so…long~_

Finally her hand rose to cover his and as their hands lowered, she held on. They sat in silence . . . one that for the first time in a long time was comfortable. She looked out of the window again . . .

"We can't go back" she said sadly.

He squeezed her hand gently. "Is that the only direction there is?"

Her eyes met his and she smiled . . .

_-silence-_


	17. Falling up

**Part 15: Falling up**

Sydney looked up from the file she was reading as the door to her room opened and Vaughn peeked in.

**_"Your father arranged for me to come back . . . He thought you'd want to hear from me."_**

"Vaughn?" she asked, not understanding why he was standing half-in and half-out of the room.

"**_You know, two years ago they told me you were dead . . ."_**

"Syd, we have a surprise for you. But the doctor said you shouldn't get overexcited. Ok, maybe we should rethink this . . . Maybe you should come back another time?" he said to the still unknown person in the hall.

"**_. . . I didn't believe it, but they told me."_**

"Vaughn, what is it? What's going on?" she asked, straining to see, even as she heard murmurring from the other person in the hall.

"**_I thought . . . 'It's just a cover for witness protection . . . or some mission . . . She's not dead . . .' "_**

"Vaughn?" she spoke up to get his attention. "I'm fine, really. Whatever it is, I can handle it."

**_"Life couldn't be that cruel."_**

He hesitated a moment longer then opened the door wider.

"**_It couldn't take you and Francie from me at the same time . . ."_**

Her curiosity quickly turned to elation as a beaming Will Tippin entered the room.

"**_So you had to be alive . . ."_**

His hair was cropped short and his clothes were more rustic than she remembered but the smile and the twinkling eyes were all Will . . .

"**_But then I took one look at Vaughn's face . . ."_**

"Will? Oh my god, Will!" Her arms came around him as he half braced on her hospital bed and caught her in a hug. "Will? Is it really you?"

"**_I saw his face and I knew . . ."_**

He sat beside her on the bed, watching as she wiped her tears, even as he ignored the ones that fell from his own eyes. "Me?" he asked. "How about you?" he said quietly, reaching out to grasp her hand tightly.

"**_You were really gone . . ."_**

A short time later Sydney was being regaled with stories of Will's life as a construction worker. The current one involved a nail gun gone wrong, a hospital, and a really hot nurse with a really long needle . . .

As her laughter died away, Will said softly "I'm glad you're ok Syd."

She smiled at him, her heart filled to bursting with the knowledge that Will had been offered the choice and chose to stay in LA. "I am ok" she said softly, even as Vaughn re-entered the room. "I really am . . ."

It was amazing . . . The world had changed once again while she was away . . .

"**_Now I find out you're alive . . ._**"

But this time she didn't mind so much.

~the end?~

_Epilogue coming soon!_


	18. Epilogue: Till the fat lady sings

_**A/N:** Ok, so we're winding down this ride, but I hope you all will stick around for the sequel (and possible trilogy ;o) . . . I have to say that it will most likely be a bumpy ride, but I'll try to keep it interesting . . . Ok, with that being said, do you all remember waaaay back when I promised that you'd find out something? (vague anyone? lol :) . . . Well, here it is! . . . ;o) . . ._

**Epilogue: Till the fat lady sings**

She stood beside the entrance and watched Michael stroll happily down the hall, pushing an empty wheelchair into Sydney's room . . . Lauren still wasn't sure why she felt the need to see them reunited first hand . . .

"**_Lauren, we need to talk . . ."_**

She shouldn't have been surprised . . . Her hold on him had been tenuous at best since Sydney had come back . . . It probably _had_ been only a matter of time . . .

"**_We could have gone on this way for a while, pretending things were ok, but . . ."_**

The truth is she liked the life they had built together, even if it had been built on lies and half truths . . . Hers . . . His . . .

**_"This situation isn't fair to anyone . . . You deserve someone who loves you the way I..."_**

'_...the way I love Sydney' _echoed unspoken around the room . . .

Ironic how she had become the third wheel in her own marriage.

The sounds of light laughter accompanied by a huskier chuckle came from the room, alerting her a moment before the door swung open . . .

With the red wig and tinted sunglasses she was wearing, she was unconcerned about being spotted and Michael pushed the wheelchair right past her as he rolled Sydney towards the exit.

"**_I'm sorry . . ."_**

He wasn't . . . Not really . . .

She strolled confidently in the other direction.

But he would be . . .

_~Fin~_


End file.
